"The cup that will count forever"

‘The cup that counts’ been hearing it all over the news. Been hearing it inside my head, drumming hither and thither, pacing up and down, the pressure immense, a gazillion what ifs haunting my dreams, nothing would matter if India wins, that’s the bottom line I kept on telling myself. The trivial matters in the world, in my world and in everybody’s would soon be so trifle that it would be non-existent that’s what 'we' kept on telling ourselves. Our support for our team – profound, unmatched and exhilarating. Something we’ve been dreaming for long, the whole nation waiting for a world cup. Can they do it again?

That was the question prior to India’s final venture with Lankans. We’ve been living cricket since the day we were born, been playing it in verandahs, streets, grounds, stadiums and even at our homes. Wishing cricket to be proclaimed as the national game of India - nobody gives it an ear to. We’ve been players, we’ve been in the matches ‘unlike the Indian team’, of course, but we empathize and that’s what matters, to be able to understand and comprehend what goes through the minds of the players playing a stress game, what is anticipated from them, how many hopes tied to their performances, how much criticism as if we all are the selectors in our own way, such great happiness if India wins a match and of course the gloomy sunset when it fails to vanquish.

It wasn’t easy for us to gulp down the unprecedented victory of India although it happened in the past in 1983, I hardly believed it as I never saw it happening. I am an emotional wreck. I come in tears just like that. The tears of joy running down the face of the Indian team brought us all crying when the team hugged each other as if in dream but certainly a dream come true for everyone. If there is heaven (which I doubt as an atheist) I would like it to be like this I said to myself. The smile wouldn’t cease on my face. The smile of contentment wouldn’t leave me. I kept on murmuring that India won....India Won the world cup....India did it....It’s just not nothing....It is everything....And things like I’ve never been so happy in my entire life! And my heart danced like it never did and I’m sure that every other Indian’s did too.

The long wait was finally over. I wanted to see India win a world cup in my life span at least coz the first victory felt as if it never happened. I kept on saying that I want a world cup at least once in my life and the Indian team managed to grab one.

Like 1.2 billion people, I became the happiest man alive on earth. I kept on smiling as if nothing mattered, as if nothing would matter in the days to come. I want to cherish this ecstasy for years to come.

The day started unusually when we ran off to watch the world cup finals in the DB City mall of Bhopal. To everyone’s surprise it retained the maximum number of public anyone could possibly imagine in a mall. The crowd gathered to see the finals as 4-5 screens were put up to show this formidable clash. As the proceedings began with the toss and then later with India’s bowling and impeccable fielding, we totally changed the environment of the mall into a stadium as we shouted at the top of our voice in unison. With every bowl we made the environment tensed for the Lankans (so we felt). The moment a wicket fell we screamed like crazy, giving high-fives to each other hardly caring to notice where our hands landed, while every unknown citizen got bound by the thread of fraternity while the joy remained dangling in the air. The atmosphere was filled with so much noise, loud enough to cost you your dear ears, as it beat upon our ear drums while one could hardly hear anything which wasn’t shouted upon to one’s contemporary. We decided to get smug and so we ended up watching the rest of the match on TV at our rooms.

The rest of the match thrilled us beyond limit. The expressions became grin the moment Lankans made a big total that seemed hard to vanquish. When it was time for India to bat, we were disheartened when we saw Veeru fell and nearly died when we saw Sachin got caught behind the stumps, but regained our consciousness by a solid partnership by Gauti and Kohli. We became stiff at Kohli’s mistake although the skipper made it look too easy in the end. Although Gauti couldn’t finish off his century, Zak couldn’t take a wicket more, Sachin couldn’t become the leading scorer in the tournament, we all wished one thing and only one thing to happen and that was the team’s win. If the team won then such things would hardly matter. No records meant anything to us. As the skipper MSD signed off the match in style with a lofty six we knew it was all over. The world stopped for us. The heavens wanted to see us rejoice. We jumped on each other with joy written all over our faces, we threw high fives at each other, our mouths ran with Yeaaaaaaah…..and lots of Yeeaaaaah…. ! and nothing pacified us. Watching the teammates carry Sachin on his shoulder showing their respect for him, how the WC mattered the world to him and how the players made his dream come true brought tears of joy to my face. That was the ultimate joy, the limit of ecstasy – no boundaries here.

A late night dancing on the street with drums – The police charging at us with sticks – we hiding at our apartment – and then mocking the police from there – joining the crowd again for some more dance – hooting at the top of our voice – PCR vans showing up – causing everyone to run for their lives – was the aftermath at our side.

I am pretty sure there must have been celebrations better than ours in different parts of our country coz this is not just any moment. The lndian team has given us all a reason to smile, the news channel a reason to blather, the newbies a new hope to fight for their places, the youth a reason to celebrate, the drunkards a reason to ‘do I need to mention that’, the sad to be happy, and the happy to be mad.

We will never forget the day India made every Indian’s dream come true. Kudos to Team India ! May they have every win they fight hard for, may they shine like this forever and keep on giving us reasons to smile and to rejuvenate every now and then.

What a day... What a day...!!

I am bad at remembering dates and events ... 2nd April 2011..... Damn I’m becoming good already !!

Living without Purpose

A thing that I’ve noticed in our lives is that we have been living without a purpose so far. No one has ever come up to show us the path on which we are supposed to tread. Living without a goal ( and I mean the goal that we are supposed to reach and not the mundane ones which we set in order to prove ourselves in front of other fellow beings ) is just like living like animals. Why are they here? They seem purposeless, their souls seem lost. There are a few who are ‘placed’ for our sport or rather we’ve turned them into our plaything.

Wish there was an announcement  when we were born - "all the newbies are supposed to follow this train to Mt. Unknown". That way we would have known what are we supposed to pursue.  That way we would have known the ultimate goal. There must be something that we gotta do. Why  have  we been placed otherwise. Are we supposed to figure out life? Or are we supposed to fight among each other? Is it all just a sham so that we’d never know and never question back? Or is it a mistake someone committed and we are being punished severely by the reiteration of the same life over and over again as if we were bound in a loop.

What if we become the richest men alive on the earth? Was that the goal? Why were we put down on earth? Some say to understand this life and to be successful. What if we understand every human notion and become successful in this life? Then why are we supposed to come back (citation needed…….that’s another unsure concept that is there).

There must be a ride that we are supposed to take, a mountain that we are supposed to climb, a trench that we are supposed to do snorkeling in or anything pragmatic – something realistic that we should be doing because that’s the ultimate goal. But there has been no such announcements, no, none, nothing that would tell us to live a particular life with a reason attached to it. Why we should do it? Why we should follow something? What if I get all the happiness in the world? What if I am supposed to be the saddest person on the earth and I serenely become that as well? Is there something that they want us to do?

We have been creating a world of our own. We have been planning things that matter only to us human beings. There are so many people in this world, we could’ve easily achieved what was there to achieve had we been given a reason and purpose in the beginning. But we are rambling without purpose. Our souls are sauntering hither and thither, keeping it low, basking in the same worldly pleasure around us. We don’t know what to do? We rejuvenate when we decide something. We proclaim one day that we want to become doctors and engineers and we are supported for it. What if you achieve your goal? Is there something else that we are supposed to follow? For those who weren’t able to, does it matter?

Silence - The new loud

There are so many abstract notions in our lives that affect us one way or the other. Some leave a deep impression on our minds while some fleet away with time. While silence tends to mould everything in favour of or against you, we are led to believe that time would heal everything eventually. Isn't silence the new loud? But when you think about it there is more to it than just being serene as it entails within itself the feeling of understanding. The comprehension of the fact that you are supposed to take care of the people around you and the ultimate satisfaction that doesn’t leave a sour taste on your palate.

While I fight for my satisfaction people do it for attention. While I lie to care, they do it to hide the truth. While I shut up when I feel I am about to lose my temper they consider it my weakness. The duels I’ve had in my years have ended up pretty badly; hence I don’t want to repeat those mistakes. However, this act of mine has always been considered as my weakness. I wish I could open their eyes, all of them who like them shut, to see what they are really missing and how badly they are going to be affected by it in the long run but alas! I am a mere man dreaming high trying to make it big with power that would not suffice to open their orbs that would lead them to glance at their soul and heart. 

I wish to cease caring for those who surround me but it isn’t in my nature to leave a person dying or abscond when I see a needy mate. While I keep on assisting those who lance me I wish them to fathom what is important and what would stay forever. Those petty things, those trifle unimportant fights, which are hardly gonna be remembered, would stay like that forever and the relationships would keep on dwindling from sour to bitter. The reasons we got involved would hardly even matter in the end.

The void around me

Nowadays I can feel a peculiar void around me as if I am missing something, as if I am not paying attention to an important aspect of life, as if I am supposed to plunge into the ocean but I am afraid to take the leap of faith as I can’t swim. There is something missing in my life and I know it, yet I don’t want to take a shot. It all seems so stupid, so imbecile that I don’t want to fall into that abyss once again. While nature is trying its level best to make me feel the void, I am ready to take my chances and feel the difference without even calling it a day. 

I am glad that I am not prepared, albeit one day I want to be, to go for a blind shot one day yet I am patient as I don’t want to make myself one of  those guys. I don’t want to forget that I am different than the rest of the world and I have so far endeavoured to swim in the opposite direction of the flow. 

The void around me is full of silence. Silence aids me to think, to brood on my past deeds and blunders, to learn from my mistakes and so I am tidying up the road the one which I am treading on. I want to be squeaky-clean and yet I want to avenge the evil like a misanthrope without mercy in my soul, ready to take abuse but to blow the brains out of the people concerned with guilt.

I am glad that I’ve this void around me, away from the din of the city - my own personal vault that assists me to think rationally. If it wasn’t for it, I would have been pressurized to death. 

"If you are missing something there is always a keen wish to fulfill the desire and once it gets satiated there is no point running after it."

Hence I wish to keep it that way, to keep the fire burning and alive, undeterred by the delicacies of life. I am glad I don’t give in, every now and then, to the petty demands of my brain and don’t drift away (it is so easy to get drifted) but true bravery lies in the power to succumb every such notions that wear you off.

Toying with emotions

 Pity how a few people don’t fathom the emotional notions in real life. They pretend that they do but actually they are a cipher in understanding them when their true application comes into play. Some people are way too impatient to actually comprehend it and they end up playing the wrong balls while there are some who are really not concerned about it at the outset of their emotional outbursts albeit they regret it all in the end. 

I wish I could make them comprehend what passion is. I wish they could all feel the heart beat, wish they could all feel the pain (the 'real pain' which is existent in your heart and it hurts, mark my words) once you crave for something, wish they could all share each other’s feelings and could rejuvenate at their joy.

I abominate those who are too dumb to think about all the factors, a feeling entails in a living. I am sick of those who fool around manifesting fake love, power and balls. While people rejoice thinking that they’ve figured life out, they end up disheartened as we all know life pretty much f**ks up everyone. The emotions are certainly not a plaything and life’s not a cake.

We gotta learn to live, gotta live like diehards while the world’d give you reasons not to, gotta be passionate at everything you do, gotta show your balls where competition is, gotta love your loved ones to bits and gotta show an unmatched zeal in the things you love.

While everyone in the world wouldn't understand it, you could only wish them to have the vision to perceive how unreasonably you fought and how madly you loved. Just patiently wish they'd get your eyes one day!

The fiascos of my past

When I look back at the life I’ve lived so far and when I circle those fiascos that I have come across so far, I am forced to think - what if I had an opportunity to rectify all those mistakes I made in the past? What if I could go back in time and metamorphose all those moments of pain and suffering into ecstasy? What if every debacle could be refurbished to shine like success? What if I could take all the excruciating moments, I encountered, away and turn them into a sweet and lovely symphony of life. What if I could eschew every such moment from happening in the first place itself?

 Huh......how chimerical!

If I could do all that then how bogus my life might appear?

Adventure comes from the feeling of fear, the fear of failure, the feeling that entails risk in it and the feeling that depicts that you would still opt for that life knowing how bad and ugly things could possibly go and yet you go along with the flow trusting your leap of faith. 

I believe if you eliminated every failure that you came across in your life then there would be no point in succeeding. You wouldn’t know how ugly things are and how bad your life might end up. You would take life threatening risks every now and then but there would be no thrill and excitement in that as you’d have the surety of success eventually. Fear is a great notion that has been put inside every living being, the absence of which might cause them, without caring for their lives, to devour each other’s soul apart. Fear is one of life’s ultimate truths which share its place with death. It is good to be afraid otherwise everyone would end up dead.

If you haven’t tasted failure in your life then you wouldn’t know the sweet taste of success. 

However lies there still the feeling, that tells me maybe I could make my life far better if only I had a chance to go back and improve certain things, the things for which I’d never have to feel regretful again for the rest of my life, the things that might solve great matters of concern in the present, the things that could straighten up the intricate situations in the long run and might make the outset of the happy days to stay successful forever.

I can’t change the past, now can I?

The frowned upon 'wrath'

I lose my temper a lot. Every little discussion or any debate on any topic of any kind and I fume at my opponent formidably. I never comprehend how easily I lose it. Is it that hard to stay calm, serene and focused? Nowadays indignation gets me every time I face a retort. Albeit getting angry becomes justified most of the times, but as I brood now, wrath is not the solution whenever I endeavour to set matters right. People get hurt and in the long run, brand me depending on my evanescent mood whilst I triumph at my swearing.

It has simply become impossible for me to keep things cool around. I regret it when I look in the mirror at my furrowed brows later and think about what made me to lose my calm. Weren’t there other possible ways of handling the matter at hand? Couldn’t I have possibly come up with a solution to handle the problem concerned? I ain’t that lame eh!

           While all the billion solutions pop up after the aftermath, it is certainly weird how everything seems obscure when I am in desperate need of an answer and everything becomes conspicuous afterwards. While things make me go mad at people, I end up shouting or conveying my thoughts in sheer anger. Well that has forced me to pay big time. I know that and yet it keeps on happening. What can I say? I have a quick temper.

           Now as I try hard to fight it I am compelled to face situations wherein my patience gets hammered every now and then. There are moments when I have to shut my mouth in order to eschew things from getting ugly. While my opponent hardly cares to contemplate the reason behind the mute act and rejuvenates on his victory I rarely consider it as a debacle. 

           Maybe I should’ve placed ‘controlling my temper’ in the New Year’s resolution in order to fight it. Or maybe I should begin listening to what others have to say and shun the habit of retorting strongly or yelling at people. That might help, I surmise. 

“I.......er..........beg to differ!”

(With a frown) Now who was that?