The void around me

Nowadays I can feel a peculiar void around me as if I am missing something, as if I am not paying attention to an important aspect of life, as if I am supposed to plunge into the ocean but I am afraid to take the leap of faith as I can’t swim. There is something missing in my life and I know it, yet I don’t want to take a shot. It all seems so stupid, so imbecile that I don’t want to fall into that abyss once again. While nature is trying its level best to make me feel the void, I am ready to take my chances and feel the difference without even calling it a day. 

I am glad that I am not prepared, albeit one day I want to be, to go for a blind shot one day yet I am patient as I don’t want to make myself one of  those guys. I don’t want to forget that I am different than the rest of the world and I have so far endeavoured to swim in the opposite direction of the flow. 

The void around me is full of silence. Silence aids me to think, to brood on my past deeds and blunders, to learn from my mistakes and so I am tidying up the road the one which I am treading on. I want to be squeaky-clean and yet I want to avenge the evil like a misanthrope without mercy in my soul, ready to take abuse but to blow the brains out of the people concerned with guilt.

I am glad that I’ve this void around me, away from the din of the city - my own personal vault that assists me to think rationally. If it wasn’t for it, I would have been pressurized to death. 

"If you are missing something there is always a keen wish to fulfill the desire and once it gets satiated there is no point running after it."

Hence I wish to keep it that way, to keep the fire burning and alive, undeterred by the delicacies of life. I am glad I don’t give in, every now and then, to the petty demands of my brain and don’t drift away (it is so easy to get drifted) but true bravery lies in the power to succumb every such notions that wear you off.

Toying with emotions

 Pity how a few people don’t fathom the emotional notions in real life. They pretend that they do but actually they are a cipher in understanding them when their true application comes into play. Some people are way too impatient to actually comprehend it and they end up playing the wrong balls while there are some who are really not concerned about it at the outset of their emotional outbursts albeit they regret it all in the end. 

I wish I could make them comprehend what passion is. I wish they could all feel the heart beat, wish they could all feel the pain (the 'real pain' which is existent in your heart and it hurts, mark my words) once you crave for something, wish they could all share each other’s feelings and could rejuvenate at their joy.

I abominate those who are too dumb to think about all the factors, a feeling entails in a living. I am sick of those who fool around manifesting fake love, power and balls. While people rejoice thinking that they’ve figured life out, they end up disheartened as we all know life pretty much f**ks up everyone. The emotions are certainly not a plaything and life’s not a cake.

We gotta learn to live, gotta live like diehards while the world’d give you reasons not to, gotta be passionate at everything you do, gotta show your balls where competition is, gotta love your loved ones to bits and gotta show an unmatched zeal in the things you love.

While everyone in the world wouldn't understand it, you could only wish them to have the vision to perceive how unreasonably you fought and how madly you loved. Just patiently wish they'd get your eyes one day!

The fiascos of my past

When I look back at the life I’ve lived so far and when I circle those fiascos that I have come across so far, I am forced to think - what if I had an opportunity to rectify all those mistakes I made in the past? What if I could go back in time and metamorphose all those moments of pain and suffering into ecstasy? What if every debacle could be refurbished to shine like success? What if I could take all the excruciating moments, I encountered, away and turn them into a sweet and lovely symphony of life. What if I could eschew every such moment from happening in the first place itself?

 Huh......how chimerical!

If I could do all that then how bogus my life might appear?

Adventure comes from the feeling of fear, the fear of failure, the feeling that entails risk in it and the feeling that depicts that you would still opt for that life knowing how bad and ugly things could possibly go and yet you go along with the flow trusting your leap of faith. 

I believe if you eliminated every failure that you came across in your life then there would be no point in succeeding. You wouldn’t know how ugly things are and how bad your life might end up. You would take life threatening risks every now and then but there would be no thrill and excitement in that as you’d have the surety of success eventually. Fear is a great notion that has been put inside every living being, the absence of which might cause them, without caring for their lives, to devour each other’s soul apart. Fear is one of life’s ultimate truths which share its place with death. It is good to be afraid otherwise everyone would end up dead.

If you haven’t tasted failure in your life then you wouldn’t know the sweet taste of success. 

However lies there still the feeling, that tells me maybe I could make my life far better if only I had a chance to go back and improve certain things, the things for which I’d never have to feel regretful again for the rest of my life, the things that might solve great matters of concern in the present, the things that could straighten up the intricate situations in the long run and might make the outset of the happy days to stay successful forever.

I can’t change the past, now can I?